Earth hasn't got much to offer in the way of twinkly lights and wishes

Candles and headlights
wink at me
unfriendly
but they're the best I've got.
I'm starting to almost
like the cold because it gives me an excuse to wrap my arms around myself and look
unhappy.

The air smells like nothing and the stars are blocked by humanity

So I'll rely on candles and headlights
winking as I pass by
trees.
Hibernation would be bliss, but alarm clocks and government projects stand in my way.

Senior year's a killer

Biting back a scream and a dangerous jump, I grip the window frame and shake. I am ridiculous, irrational, passionate, and disillusioned. Somehow I no longer recognize myself but it doesn't matter because I hated both of me. I long to turn away from the approaching storm, to block the thunderclaps from my ears and the lightning bolts from my eyes [pretty eyes, they say, but they're hateful pools of shit-brown nothing if you look deep].

If I sing high enough, laugh loud enough, an ice cream and bubble gum sun takes me over- but never permanently. The dark wind will eventually knock me over, and as I wait I remember peaceful breezes tickling my face with my own hair. I hate those damn breezes for drawing me into the lie of eternal youth. My own impending adulthood and personal responsibility stretches over me like a suffocating, all-encompassing, fire-filled death. Goddamn my innocence, my foolishness, my steadfast belief that mediocrity would suffice. If only the world would let me sleep- I'm tired. So tired.

My trials have only just begun, they're nothing compared to what's coming and I'm already here, standing at this window, fantasizing about these pills, looking wistfully at car accidents.

Dance of Denial

My eyes are closed but I pretend they're not.
I am spinning
spinning
away from the truth of what
is
what
was
you.

Measured breathing gives me control.

I don't have to wake up

I have everything, spinning,
with eyes closed.
Reality don't you dare take my @#!*% smile.

For Dami

I'm hanging off the edge grasping at whatever I can find that's not good for me. I'm pushing as far away from what I used to be as I can. But there's a part of you I'm connected to- keeping me on the edge, not over it. Holding on to my innocence, bringing me back to swimming days and Popsicle tongues. You hold on to the child in me, make me feel young again, and I can't thank you enough.

It's not that you're a child, or naive, or holding me back. Somehow you are so much more mature than I could ever be. People probably wonder why I hold onto you so much if we aren't dating. It's because you ground me, keep me safe and warm from the storm that is my mind. You are steady, you are calm, you are everything I'm not. You are the best guy any girl could ask for.