Cliff Diving

I sense a dangerous pattern in the making- proved twice already, who knows how many times in the future. I, quietly watching as you walk, appreciating the shape of you, the angles of you, everything of you, grow dark. Feeling myself waning away in your shadow, your beautiful shadow, you become my everything. To the point where I don't recognize myself. To the point where I don't like myself. But I can't stop, I'm tumbling head over heels down a cliff- I know where it lands and still I allowed myself to lean too far.

Even tiny steps will let you fall to your doom

Talking to you made me so incredibly happy. It was awkward and weird but I didn't care because we were talking. Acknowledging that the other existed. I missed that. But I'm scared. I don't know if I'm so happy just because I missed you, or if I still want so much more than you want. I can't help but remember the shit I said to you, back when I was so angry. Maybe you deserved it, but all I feel is embarrassed. Yeah, you have bad qualities and annoying habits, but right now I'm overlooking those. I wish we could go back to what we had, before I opened my mouth. I don't regret telling you. The consequences just made me sad. I don't know how to explain that any further. At least I took that step. It was a baby step, but I still ended up falling off that cliff.

The day after is filled with regret

I wish I could talk to you but pride's got my tongue. You do this every time. Every time I get mad and blow up, a day later you make me feel like a stereotypical, bitchy, vindictive girl who expects too much. I don't even think you do it on purpose. But please, can you get off my mind and out of my heart? I'd like my life back.

Life is in the Small Things

-Cogs-

It’s the sound of rain as hitting the roof when you’re inside

It’s the way he smiles more with one side of his mouth than the other

It’s the rabbit you only see for a second before it hides itself

It’s her hair, frizzy and wild and beautiful if only because it is hers

It’s the taste of cold pizza in the middle of the night

It’s an old toy that was never packed up or given away

It’s the scent of a day under the sweltering sun

It’s the way your breathing changes when you think about it

It’s the slightly off taste of non-sugar sweeteners

-Alicia-

It's the way the sun hits your face in just the right way so you feel like an angel

It's the way you hug someone a little longer trying to tell them you care

It's that one person absolutely anything, even if it's stupid

It's his voice, beautiful and tone deaf

It's the way the wind smells when there's nothing but sun in the sky

It's that person you can recognize by the back of their head in a crowd

It's that one chord on the piano that makes you shiver

It's the nights you stayed up past three AM just thinking

Posion flood that destroys all walls

it is dark into the night when my walls come
crashing
crashing down in a flood
of words and lyrics and thought i wish i didn't think.
it is a sweet, painful release of poison
blooming inside me every day.
all i want is just once for my flood of poison
to mix
with your flood of poison.
just to taste your poison.
just to know it's there.
but
you love to help me rebuild my walls
trying
to build it stronger each time
so
you don't have to see me like this again.
not
because
you care or
it hurts but
because
you'd rather see the lie
the lie that bottles my poison
and toxic-waste-dumps it
in my heart.

Don't buy a girl a gold ring when the sun is shining

piercing shafts of light
burn
my eyes
so i smile
and feel alive.
i need the intensity
transforming every color
to gold.
so cheap in jewelry
perfect in nature.
i squint and tear
until
the golden god
drops behind a tree.

Hindsight is bittersweet, but mostly just bitter

Fog encloses everything
within my sight so I cannot see.
But somehow not seeing
or knowing
allows me to see everything clearer
and to know more
at least that's what it feels like.
I look at what my life has been and
I see a broken shell.