Posion flood that destroys all walls

it is dark into the night when my walls come
crashing
crashing down in a flood
of words and lyrics and thought i wish i didn't think.
it is a sweet, painful release of poison
blooming inside me every day.
all i want is just once for my flood of poison
to mix
with your flood of poison.
just to taste your poison.
just to know it's there.
but
you love to help me rebuild my walls
trying
to build it stronger each time
so
you don't have to see me like this again.
not
because
you care or
it hurts but
because
you'd rather see the lie
the lie that bottles my poison
and toxic-waste-dumps it
in my heart.

Don't buy a girl a gold ring when the sun is shining

piercing shafts of light
burn
my eyes
so i smile
and feel alive.
i need the intensity
transforming every color
to gold.
so cheap in jewelry
perfect in nature.
i squint and tear
until
the golden god
drops behind a tree.

Hindsight is bittersweet, but mostly just bitter

Fog encloses everything
within my sight so I cannot see.
But somehow not seeing
or knowing
allows me to see everything clearer
and to know more
at least that's what it feels like.
I look at what my life has been and
I see a broken shell.

Lightning, gummy bears, and shaking hands.

You struck my heart like lightning, flashing across the sky of me in an instant and I'm blinded hoping for you.
Your stupid laugh and tone deaf voice leaves me smiling like they just figured out how to bottle sunshine.
I hate this feeling because it's needy and that's something I never want to be to you.
Every time I see you my hands start shaking and my breath gets short and my face turns a shade of red impossible to hide.
Something about the way you love Heath Ledger and gummy bears makes me think that somehow you would be okay to love.
But you aren't.

Nothing

Innocence is easy and ignorance is bliss- don't argue otherwise. But innocence will always be lost, no matter how hard you try to keep a child in the dark. I'm ready to fall into the twisted world, so let me go.
I'm ready to try my hand at having my own identity, no longer being chained to everything you are. I'm ready to throw off the title of child. So let me go! Let me go before I suffocate! I am not part of you, I left the womb and now I'm ready to leave you behind.
Your pathetic need sickens me, I can't stand to look at you.
I don't know where this is going but I'll be happy as long as it's away.

Relationships don't matter in zero gravity

Someone turn the gravity off so
when I stop caring and
let go I
don't have to hit the ground.

Free-fall is easy and
peaceful to a point, almost
like nothing matters anymore and
I can just exist without trying.

Cause right now I'm
trying so fucking hard every
day and still you're smoke
and I am hands trying to catch you.

I am still a
million things at once that
are part of a puzzle, "Which
one of these does not belong?"

allofthem.

I don't know who to be
with you or what is
okay with you and
it's too hard to keep up.

So to get to my
point, I'm done
trying so fucking hard
for your attention.

Go ahead and break it, it's just my heart.

I'm getting a little sick of putting my best face forward only to get slapped.
Like a masochistic puppy waiting to be kicked I
reach out to you again and again.
Talking to you is reliving my greatest fear
over and over
Loving someone- actually CARING-
more than they do.
You don't notice. Even though with every word I try to convey how much you mean to me
you laugh and joke
and hurt me.
And you don't notice.