Groupie

I'm confused.
Yesterday, we were friends-
today, we aren't.
Or maybe-
I fooled myself.
Or maybe-
you fooled me.
I let myself get caught up in the illusion of
who you want people to think you are.
We all put on this illusion
to some degree,
but I guess I thought
I was special.
I thought the you I knew
was real.
I thought I was allowed
in the inner circle-
a close friend.
Turns out,
I'm just a groupie,
hanging on for dear life.
Guess what?
I let go.

Afternoons, waiting

Snatching green leaves off
a little bush,
I'm angry.
Angry in an empty parking lot,
empty except for me and
a quiet Indian boy.
He never talks-
to me-
but this routine is daily.
A car passes by.
I look up-
but it's not my ride.

After I rip the leaf from the bush,
I flick it away,
not bothering to watch
it's downward spiral.
We are silent,
but we are not uncomfortable.
We are just there.
A car passes by.
I look up-
but it's not my ride.

I move onto the next bush,
unsuspecting and
alive.
I tear these leaves to shreds
as I remember the words of my mother.
She told me that
taking leaves from a bush
is like
a giant taking arms
from me.
I'm sorry to hurt this bush.
But there's nothing for me to do but
rip these leaves and
not talk to
the quiet Indian boy.
A car passes by.
I look up-
but it's not my ride.

I turn, but
the quiet Indian boy
is gone.

Lots of Stuff

Like a Stone

Pressure always building
in my chest.
Tension, I'm on edge.
What is this anticipation
that I feel?

Like stepping to the end
of a very steep cliff,
all I know is the long way down.
The time is coming,
for what, I don't know.

When the moment arrives to leap,
leap into oblivion,
the sky,
my soul,
I'll either fly-
or drop.
Like
a
stone.


Victory and Pride

Arguments and anger
make so much sense
in the start.

Indignant and
self-righteous,
the yelling begins.

But yelling turns
to crying turns
to wondering
what have I done?

The long battle
has commenced
and there is no turning back.

Victory never tastes as sweet
as we think it will.
But pride, foolish pride,
makes us eat our triumph
with a smile.

Fight or Flight

I'm not much one for
talking about things
that can't be laughed off or forgotten.

I'd rather keep things light
so my baggage won't
weigh me down.

Tension and
uncomfortable feelings-
t0 me-
just aren't worth it.

When things get tough,
really start to matter,
consider me gone.
Flight over fight
will win every time.

Dreaming in the Daytime

Flickers of memories
fly through my mind
like pictures in a flip book.
But
not many pictures are connected.
They move too fast
for me to tell if they're real.
Memories
Old dreams
new endings
or fresh ideas?
I can't tell the difference.
Forgotten friends,
tucked away in the recesses
of my brain,
smile at me-
younger me-
and fade away to the
next pictures.
Inconsequential moments suddenly echo,
linger, in my thoughts,
as I stare out a window-
eyes, unseeing,
but
mind, alive.

Anger

HIT ME!
Go on, please.
Do it.
Hit me.
At least then,
I wouldn't feel wrong
for feeling so angry.
I can't go on,
day after day, being
the person everyone expects me to be.
I've had such high standards for myself-
it's everything, who I've become.
The pressure to be what I want
is making a hypocrite of me.
So HIT ME!
Please hit me-
so I can hit back.

Oh wow..

So I haven't posted in a while..
I kinda got out of the groove of writing frequently, and then my mom's fiancee crashed our computer and I forgot my log-in info..yippee.
I'll put up some stuff soon, I just gotta finish the last section of my online driver's ed! WOOHOOO I'm getting my license next week hopefully!

Peace, Love, and No Drama-
Sunshiney Still.

Chasing You

I don't wanna
be that girl
who chases
that guy
and makes a fool of herself.
Why should I?

You're just
that guy
I barely know
but can't get out
of my head.
Why can't I?

It's not fair
to me
when you look past my smile
and I still give you one.

It's so pathetic
that just a glimpse
of your face
makes my
stomach twist.

It's utterly stupid
that whenever
my phone buzzes
I hope against hope
that it's you.

I can't lose my dignity-
at least, not in public-
by being that girl
that's chasing you.

Falling For You [by Colbie Callait]

So I was listening to this song and I was like......oh goodness welcome to my life.

I don’t know but
I think I maybe
Fallin’ for you
Dropping so quickly
Maybe I should
Keep this to myself
Waiting ’til I
Know you better
I am trying
Not to tell you
But I want to
I’m scared of what you’ll say
So I’m hiding what I’m feeling
But I’m tired of
Holding this inside my head
I’ve been spending all my time
Just thinking about ya
I don’t know what to do
I think I’m fallin’ for you
I’ve been waiting all my life
And now I found ya
I don’t know what to do
I think I’m fallin’ for you
I’m fallin’ for you
As I’m standing here
And you hold my hand
Pull me towards you
And we start to dance
All around us
I see nobody
Here in silence
It’s just you and me
I’m trying
Not to tell you
But I want to
I’m scared of what you’ll say
So I’m hiding what I’m feeling
But I’m tired of
Holding this inside my head
I’ve been spending all my time
Just thinking about ya
I don’t know what to do
I think I’m fallin’ for you
I’ve been waiting all my life
And now I found ya
I don’t know what to do
I think I’m fallin’ for you
I’m fallin’ for you
Oh I just can’t take it
My heart is racing
The emotions keep spinning out
I’ve been spending all my time
Just thinking about ya
I don’t know what to do
I think I’m fallin’ for you
I’ve been waiting all my life
And now I found ya
I don’t know what to do
I think I’m fallin’ for you
I’m fallin’ for you
I can’t stop thinking about it
I want you all around me
And now I just can’t hide it
I think I’m fallin’ for you (x2)
I’m fallin’ for you
Ooohhh
Oh no no
Oooooohhh
Oh I’m fallin’ for you

Music Box [by Regina Spektor]

This lovely song was shown to me by my dear friend. [blog--> www.simplyonedaisy.blogspot.com]

Life inside the music box ain't easy.
The mallets hit the gears are always turning
and everyone inside the mechanism
is yearning to get out.
And sing another melody completely
So different from the one they're always singing
I close my eyes and think that I have found me
but then I feel mortality surround me.
I want to sing another melody
so different from the one I always sing
But when I do the dishes
I run the water very very very hot
and then I fill the sink to the top with bubbles of soap
and then I send all the bottle caps i own a float
and it's the greatest voyage in the history of plastic
and then I slip my hands in and start to make waves
and then I dip my tongue in and take a taste
it tastes like soap but it doesn't really taste like soap
and then I lower in my whole mouth in and take a gulp
and start to feel mortality surround me
I close my eyes and think I have found me
but life inside the music box ain't easy
the mallets hit the gears are always turning
and everyone inside the mechanism
is yearning
to get out
and sing another melody completely
is yearning
to get out
is yearning
to get out
is yearning
to get out